Jakarta, 29 October 2011

As I walked towards my house, I stopped midway and started to cry. I cry infront of my neighbour’s house. I notice that I cried in the neighborhood, I tried to wipe my tears and held my chin up. I wished this was all a dream, I shut my eyes and imagine that Mom would be opening the gates and kissed my cheeks. She would ask me how my days went and Hafiz would be running towards me to give me a kiss and Hanaan would be doing the same thing. Khalif would take my hand to his forehead and Dad… Dad would joked and tell me that I smell and finally planted a kiss on my forehead.

But today, there was none of that. My grandmother was in the yard so is my cousin, Lila. I greeted them and ran inside the house, I was shocked that everything has changed. I teared up once more and head to the only room that haven’t changed was my bedroom. I jumped to my bed and cry. I missed them so much that I can see memory after memory playing in my head.

I searched for my clothes but it wasn’t there. I found my shorts and put them on. I switched on the tv and watch whatever is interesting in there. I kept on watching until my uncle came out of the room after his nap to show me my report. I don’t give a damn about them. I only want one thing, my family’s present.

I pulled my book and started to do some questions, I stopped and stared at the curtain. My room’s curtain. A memory flashed through my head, my Dad teaching me how to do Karate and my Mom cooking in the kitchen. Me playing monster with Hafiz, Hanaan combing my hair and Khalif and I made a team to annoy Hanaan. Soon my tears started to fall again. I couldn’t bear the pain, so I left my room to find fresh air. I cried once more and sat on with my head on knees. My uncle came outside the house and ask whats up to me. I don’t want him to see me down, I don’t want anyone to see me down.

I made my way to room and sleep, a few days ago I would have found my sister sleeping by my side. But not tonight or any other night. My grandmother was there, she started to mumble about my other Aunt sucks, whatever… I was thinking about my family that I ignored my grandmother. I started to tear up once more when grandma asked me if I missed my mom. She shouldn’t have asked that, she should have known all day long. Ignoring her I feel asleep…